bogleech:

"I heart my car" she says as she pumps its hole full of love fluid, but their half-hearted smiles betray the truth. They’re just going through the motions, each silently wondering which will be the first to admit that the spark is gone.

(via toocooltobehipster)

tittily:

my little cousin got bit by a house spider and she was crying so i went to get some stuff to soothe and numb it but before i could even walk out the door i heard her quietly whisper ‘i can’t handle the responsibility of being spiderman’

(via toocooltobehipster)

pretentiouslimericks:

jackdonnellys:

can you imagine what would happen if arthur weasley discovered google 

The Harry Potter books are set in the early 90’s. I bet that he discovered the Internet around 2000, and was captivated. He probably spent years getting the Ministry to adopt wi-fi, and now he spends his lunch breaks perusing Wikipedia. At home he has a state-of-the-art computer rig with like four massive monitors and he marathons “How It’s Made” on Netflix.

(via a-sexxy-serial-killer)

roboboners:

jayda95:

all-because-we-fell-in-love:

floozys:

vagina’s are able to stretch wide enough to give birth to a fucking baby and then return to it’s original size but of course being penetrated by that grass blade you call a penis is what’s going to make it “loose”

Uhh. The baby doesnt come out of where the penis goes in…

stay in school y’all

i hate to be the bearer of bad news but the vagina and the vagina are, in fact, the same thing

(via a-sexxy-serial-killer)